Kong is not a name chosen by accident. It does not describe an effeminate collection of callow fuckers thrust together by a desire to look plucked or sound eager to please.

All are/were/shall be in other, perhaps more commercially viable bands, which is notable only because it fills out their biography and creates the impression of a deeper back-story, which becomes, by definition, massively interesting to idiots. Yes, Nancy was in Jane\'s Addiction, and Milicent founded ITV.

Kong\'s music, such as it is, takes all the risibly obnoxious elements of lots of very loud, credible bands, feeds it non-brand specific lager, then comes on it in its sleep.

In truth, they are difficult band to describe unless you\'re a music journalist, in which case you\'d probably pick a large animal (elephant, dinosaur or a fantastical creature of myth) and put it in an unusual place (Middlesbrough) with predictably madcap results.

In summary - the first time I saw them play I felt a burning sensation on my arm and realised that I had developed eczema.