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OoooOOOooooh, where to bleedin start, eh? One o'clock wine, fags 'n sunshine. Smiling but gutted we'd missed a friend's slot on the decks (whose birthday invite had led us to this daytime filthbag of a party). Sorry, Tom Tom. Bog queues horrific, thought I'd slip in like a cheekygirl to the boys'. Big bad bouncer (aka toilet attendant) pounced and I was back in boy-talk/sniffly-central "thing is, he said, she said. sob, sniff!"/lip-gloss village for a half hour wait. But I had a p*ss in the end, and not over myself, so come on, calm down, calm down - nobody's died But there is a girl on the floor at the bottom of stairs. Is she okay? I ask (of a blonde lying facedown, legs and elbows bendy), er, lots of peeps around her, so I head back to my little chums on the dance floor. 

I approach the chums admiring their continuous sterling effort to match moves to the beats 'n bleeps. Fair play, fair play. I sing Carwash in my head and find my groove sharp. Groove is in the heart. Oh yes. It gets darker, it gets busier - you know the drill. Everyone outside in, sweat mist salty. No sign of Kylie, more dirty, bassey (never enough base, mind  cmon, make my heart explode), messy, mookie finger pointings in air, mobile number exchanges, Italian men emerging, girls' shoes coming off, outdoor chain-smoking, feeling the cold, more toilet queues, a mosh pit forming. Good times to be had. But ooh erh la after party, quel? Horse & Groom it is. Stipey-top boy on door is the *clearly a twat* bad bloke I fancy from the day. He'd helped get me mates in. Eventually. Flipping disaster the guestlist not opening 'til 8pm. A farce! Anyway, to the Horse! 

Tropical flower themed DJ booth/thing, friendly staff, vodka sodas times a twenty coming up to table dance floor 1. Look at all these beautiful people! Still standing! Gurn. Lady comes on the decks. Hot & shy, nice combo. Us girls like her as well as the boys. Every little helps. More beats and bleeps, getting better. Our new dance move is themed "better" which we chant as we stamp out feet n thrust in sync. Losers. Oh yes. My kinda party. Men everywhere. Difficult to concentrate on music enough to find my mojo. I hit the loos for a bit of time out. QT. Y'know *checks phone, sees 7 blank texts have been sent to boss in error, applies lipstick*. A toilet has fallen completely off the wall (see pic), but girls stand around it sharing tips on how it is still in use, as long "as youre careful". I wait and go next door. 20 fags, 20 vodkas, 20 DJs or so and a taxi ride later, I'm back at ranch. Tea, toast and painkillers. Am I cut out for 15hrs of dirty rotten drink & dance shenanigans? No. Am I glad I went? Yes, oh yes. And then some. 


Jenbob's Review of Ketoloco and Micron - Bank Holiday Special at Light Bar

great night, wicked music and crowd, however the queues were way too long for the ladies toilets and ended up waiting for around half hr!
bouncers were a bit militant and unfriendly, drinks were pretty expensive, but overall it was a wicked night!
x

sammilondonink's Review of Ketoloco and Micron - Bank Holiday Special at Light Bar

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